I am instantly intrigued by your storybook when I first look at the webpage. I thought the title you have given your project implied that these will be biblical stories, but some of the pictures on your home page are of Muslim buildings. Then I realized that these may not be biblical stories and the title could be implying quite the opposite, but I guess I’ll find out! As far as the layout itself, it looks great. The pictures are arranged very well and I’m curious to see how or if they are involved in the storybook.
Wow, this introduction really took me by surprise! I was ready to read something about old bible times or something set thousands of years ago, but instead there was a teenager with some attitude! You did a great job with the tone of the son and father and I could definitely see this being a real conversation. The premise of a birthday present that has been passed down through generations is very intriguing and clever. The reader isn’t given a lot of information as far as what the following stories will be about, but that’s ok because now I’m hooked! My best guess now is that the father and son will be traveling back in time using the magic ring and watching old stories about Abraham from a distance??
Hey Marissa! First off, I really love the first picture that you have on your storybook title page! The colors are absolutely beautiful! I think that it would be nice to have them a little larger though since they are the main focus of the page.
The title of the page certainly had me interested in who Abraham indeed is and what role he will play in your story (i.e. narrator, protagonist, antagonist).
The introduction was pretty interesting and I liked that you are choosing to place your story in a modern setting with the father as the narrator for your stories, I assume. I absolutely loved the line, "...heading out of his son's bedroom with dueces in the air..." It left a very amusing visual of your typical thinks hes cool kind of dad, which I am sure many of us can relate to! My dad is always doing that to my little sister who is in her sassy middle school age years! Anyways, your introduction was interesting, however, I was not able to obtain any idea of what your future stories may hold. Throwing some sneak peaks in there may be helpful! Good luck with the rest of your storybook!
What a cute introduction. I felt a little lost at the beginning, but I eventually found my way. Those two part gifts will always trip you up if you just focus on the negative. But I really loved how you captured the essence of a true teenager, and a thirteen year old at that! The way that you introduce your story with a trip to the Holy was very thought out. I do not think that I could ever come up with that clever of an idea to be to basis of my stories. The way that you took a father and son trip to tell the stories of Abraham. Your writing style was awesome! You were able to tell an entire story basically through only the use of dialogue between two people! I am stunned. This actually reminds me of car trips with my mom because she will just randomly tell me biblical stories, but it is more one sided while your story actually has a back and forth. I was flabbergasted when I read your authors note. The ring that the boy gets in the introduction represents the Ring Parable! I love how you made this a focal point in your story because parables are such an important part of the Bible and they are there to teach us how to follow God and be wise in our religion and faith. Great job! Keep up the good work.
Hi, Marissa! First of all, my goodness your blog theme is adorable.
Now, I'll get to the real comment! I was so excited after reading your introduction. What is the ring for?! I must know! I was a bit confused, though. I figured from the title that the gift the boy was anticipating was the trip to Israel. I figured that was what all the generations got. But it was actually a trip to anywhere they choose? (Which would be the best gift ever, by the way.) Dakota is such an outspoken kid! I appreciate his honesty.
Time travel! I love it! I have to say that in reading your first story, I found myself wondering when the actual story would start. I'm not entirely sure the whole father-son exchange needed to last so long. It would have been nice to see the story taking up more of that space. The way it is now, I kind of feel like it's shoved into the end of it in a hurry.
Other than that, I like the design of your site. The color scheme is a bit out of place I think, but the way it's set up is simple and clean and I love it. The little photo collage on the cover page is very nice, too.
I like how you went with a super austere design (just the opposite of my website’s comparatively cluttered look, haha). It looks really nice, and the color scheme is well chosen since it appears that the story’s setting will be primarily in the desert.
Both the introduction and the first story are very engaging because of how relatable you’ve made the relationship between Dakota and his dad. Their verbal sparring is really engaging to read and keeps the story flowing as you lead it up the moment when they finally make the jump through time. It’s an awesome idea to have a subplot in which a father and son become closer even as the dad gives his son the lesson of his life on the subject of Abrahamic lore. There’s so many things to like about this concept in general actually. It’s one thing to read Genesis and learn of the story of Abraham and his family as it is presented in the Bible, but it’s entirely another to read it as filtered through the viewpoint of a modern teen. You’ve already utilized this viewpoint so well so far, with details like Dakota’s reaction to Abraham’s age adding a lot of entertaining flavor to the narrative. I look forward to reading more of the father and son’s journey through history.
Hey Marissa! Thanks for the comment you left on my storybook project a couple of weeks ago. You caught a typo that I obviously didn't and it must've slipped past a couple other people as well. I got it fixed now, but thanks for catching that!
Hi Marissa, Thanks for all of your hard work on your storybook so far! I really enjoyed getting to go through your project. Overall, I thought your cover page was very aesthetically pleasing. I like the clean layout and the gold color theme you seem to be using throughout your project. Particularly like your picture collage on the coverpage and the way that all three pictures are of different scenes, but work cohesively together with your theme. Your introduction did a good job of setting the stage for the rest of the storybook. At this point, I think the stories will all be set in Israel and have some sort of tie back into the father-son trip, it’s a great idea. I also love the idea of having the tradition of a gift being passed down from generation to generation. I enjoyed the back-and-forth between the father and son at the beginning of the story. It was definitely reminiscent of conversations I have had with my dad in the past! The dialogue kept me engaged and interested in reading. I really liked getting to see the story through the perspective of a teenager – you did a great job of keeping this theme steady through the whole story and kept his personality steady. Great job! Mackenzie
I was very intrigued by your introduction. I really, really wanted to know what the present was going to be! When it was a ring, I thought that was pretty cool, but clearly Dakota did not. And on top of that the kid gets a surprise trip? And he's still complaining? Those are both awesome gifts! I think you did a really great job telling your first story. It really captivated me more than I was expecting it to. I thought that the theme was kept very well throughout the intro and the first story. Dakota was complaining just as much, and the dad was still just as excited to be on this trip with his son. I was so excited when I read that they would be time traveling. Things just got a lot more interesting! I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook when it is finished. I can tell it is going to be great. It is definitely one of my favorites so far. I also really liked the pictures on your cover page. They were so colorful and I was really paying attention to them and looking at them for a long period of time. Great job!!
Marissa, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your wonderful comment you made on my storybook! You talked about how the teacher was confused and angry because she had obviously never heard the story and I was really glad because I was trying to create a setting in which these stories weren't really known yet, which was why they were so cool to the kids! Thank you again! I hope you have a lovely weekend!
Hello Marissa! I have not been to your storybook before. I will be commenting on all of it. I will start off with the cover page. Everything is easy to see and read. I wish you had a little more to your background than just the plain white. Your pictures are great and the title is very informative. Now to your introduction, again everything is easy to read and the story flows nicely. I think you did a great job at introducing your story without giving to much information. Also the ending was a great way to transition into your first story. If I were you I would add a picture to your introduction. Maybe make it of the ring. Your first story is great as well. You have a great way of writing your stories. They are all easy to flow and are quite creative. I like that you are telling a story of a boy and his father but you are also telling a story about Abraham. I know we only have to have one picture per story but you might add a picture of the other characters that you are talking about to help the reader visualize the character. Your last story was also great. The centered text was a little harder to read. I like the creativity with changing the location of the text but I think the storybook might flow better if you keep each story the same. Also you have the commenting on for this page. That is a quick fix though. Great job with your storybook!
Marissa, okay first off, I LOVE your blog layout and design - so cute! Secondly, I also like the layout/design of your Abraham storybook. It has clean lines and pretty simple, but with pops of color and therefore is very easy to navigate and follow!
I like the creative name of your introduction because it really makes me want to find out who is going to Israel and why, how and when?! And I certainly was not disappointed when I read it! I love when people use dialogue in their intros because it really draws you into more of a story, rather than a babbling of information! Your story between the father and son was so fun to follow along, and it used such funny and relatable language throughout. It also left us all hanging and wanting to read more!!! Why are they going to Israel and what is this ring!?! SO good!
I also love that you tied this same dialogue and characters throughout in order to tell the story of Abraham. This is literally such good "storytelling" which is extremely creative in comparison to a lot of the storybooks I have read in our class! Not only do you bring in these characters to tell you story though, but tying in their own storyline is making me want to read every story to find out what this cunning father has up his sleeve!!!
I am honestly just so impressed and intrigued with your storybook! I think you have done phenomenal, and I will no doubt be back to read your final stories!
Your storybook is great! I love that you made everything modern and very relatable. I could definitely see this as a show or movie of sorts because the dad and Dakota were really funny and sassy to each other. You are really good at writing and using a clear voice. I really liked your introduction. It is very different than any of the other ones that I have read so far but I really liked it! It definitely had me hooked and wanting to read more to find out what the trip to Israel was all about.
Your "Abraham and Hagar" story was really funny too. You use a lot of really good details and descriptions so it was easy to imagine what the characters were experiencing. I read your author's note and I think it is really cool how you tied everything together to keep the story the same. That is very creative!
I really like your homepage and overall layout as well. I especially loved the picture of the Western Wall - that sky is perfect. I think the orange and white color scheme is clean and simple which I like.
Let me start off by saying that I really liked your intro. It grabbed my attention and was fast paced, and the ending made me more curious to know what was going to happen. The writing was good too! Sometimes dialogue can be awkward, but yours really wasn’t. Actually, it was pretty funny! The only think I would recommend is to move the second line of dialogue back next to the first. Having a line of its own kind of confused me. I thought that two different people were talking in the first two lines until I read further. As for the plot, I thought it was awesome! I was really curious as to what the father was planning, so I moved onto the next story pretty quickly.
It’s great that you’ve injected your humor into the first story like you did for the introduction. The kid is still complaining, which is pretty realistic, as most kids would complain in that situation. But I like how it all changes when they time travel. I have to say, that was pretty cool! I just imagined the sort of hyperspace jump that happens in Star Wars, except on earth and without the Millennium Falcon, ha ha. And I think it’s neat that you’ve retold Abraham’s story from an outsiders’ perspective. I like how it’s not just a dad explaining it to his child, but actually showing his child what’s happening. And it makes me interested in what will happen next!
When I started reading the second story, I was a little confused as to whether they were still in the past or in the present, since you didn’t make them go back to the present in the first story. But you cleared it up when you say that Dakota is still ‘recovering from the adventure in the past’. Aside from that, your story was pretty interesting! I cringed along with Dakota when I was reading about Isaac’s would-be death. And the way you’ve set up the dialogue lets the reader understand the backstory of Isaac’s near death organically, which is great!
Overall, great job! I really enjoyed your stories and can’t wait to read your next one!
Hey Marissa, I'm excited that I am getting the chance to visit your storybook page again this week and see how it has grown!
Since I have already seen you cover page and introduction, I will start with your first story. I thought that you did an excellent job with the dialogue by making it very entertaining and easy to follow along with. It had a nice flow to it that made me feel like I was right there in the story with your main characters. I really liked that you incorporated some story aspects that your readers could learn something from. The ring is such a cool focal point that really does a wonderful job of driving your story forward. Dakota is also a very fun addition to the story.
Great job overall and keep up the good work! Have a wonderful weekend!
Hi Marissa, So this week I have chosen to comment on your story book as my third option. One of the main reasons for this is because…. (drum roll please) the title of your story book really stood out to me. Abrahim who? Good question. So I decided to go on and read more. I will be commenting on your page as a whole.
I think that you have chosen a great and simple theme to enhance your work. I like the simplicity of your page, and the ease of navigation. I also like the images you have used. I think the pictures of the dome and the ancient church really complements the title of your story book. Being from the Islamic faith, I am curious as to how you are going to tell these stories. Reading “pack your bags we’re going to Israel” I felt that I was embarking on this journey with your characters. I really want to know what they will uncover there. I really enjoyed reading about the history of the wall. I think you are a great writer and have made this story seem as real as possible. Leaving your readers to open up their imagination. I like the idea of the ring and it allowing them to time travel. Great work so far, your story book will be great.
I read your storybook for my third option again this week and I am excited to see what else you have done with it!
Your characters are really funny! I really like how you are talking about the three different religions but in a modern way. It can be really difficult to read about the bible and religious stories sometimes, so I think putting such a modern twist on it really helps. Your writing as a really good flow to it and it is easy to hear the character's voices. It feels like your part of the story too, which I think is great.
I noticed a minor typo in the Isaac story. It says "why in the word" instead of world. Other than that though I think everything else was perfect.
This is still one of my favorite storybooks! I feel like I'm learning a lot from your stories. I will definitely come back to this to see what else you do!
Hey Marissa, first of all I have to say that I love they picture on your comment wall.
Since I have not read any of your Storybook Thus far I will be commenting on the cover page, introduction, and the first story.
I felt like the cover page was very aesthetically pleasing. The bright white contrasted with the orange is really simple and beautiful. Those colors remind me of the pictures i have seen of the church that holds The Creation of Adam painting that Michelangelo did. Everything seems to be very organized, from the navigation to the pictures, it is clean cut and simple.
The introduction is also very simple. However, it is also pretty cryptic. Aside from learning about the ring (which isn't ever described) and knowing that they are going to go to Israel, the reader has no clue really what these stories are going to be about. I think it is really effective in getting the reader to want to go on to reading the next story.
I think you did an excellent job with the first story. I was surprised to see that the ring was actually a time traveling ring. I was thinking it was going to be the key to a lock that opened up something ancient. You also do a great job including the thoughts of Dakota at the right times that continue to develop his character.
Hello Marissa, thank you for visiting my storybook again as your free choice. You coming back and reading more when you didn't have to meant a lot. Thank you!
Hi Marissa! I read your storybook way back when it was just an introduction and I remember being very curious about what the stories would actually be about so I'm glad I have a chance to find out now!
Looking back at my comments after I ready your introduction, I said I was surprised that the introduction wasn’t a Bible story. Apparently I spoke too soon! This is such a fun way to retell a very traditional story and in no way did I expect the ring to be capable of time travel! I think you do a great job to keep the attitude and voice of the son consistent too.
I’m on to the story about Isaac now. I’m beginning to get curious as to if the dad is a significant character that we will eventually find out who he is, or if he is there solely for the purpose of guiding the son. Overall, this was another very good retelling and I’m beginning to appreciate the stories you have included. They serve as great reminders of old Bible stories.
I think the third story was my favorite of the three. Not only did you retell another story from the Bible but you compared it to a different religion as well. This is something that I didn’t know about the Islamic faith and it was fascinating to read! This storybook was put together so well and I’m wondering what the last story will be! Great job!
Marissa, that's fabulous! I cannot resist: I just have to leave a comment!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteMarissa,
ReplyDeleteI am instantly intrigued by your storybook when I first look at the webpage. I thought the title you have given your project implied that these will be biblical stories, but some of the pictures on your home page are of Muslim buildings. Then I realized that these may not be biblical stories and the title could be implying quite the opposite, but I guess I’ll find out! As far as the layout itself, it looks great. The pictures are arranged very well and I’m curious to see how or if they are involved in the storybook.
Wow, this introduction really took me by surprise! I was ready to read something about old bible times or something set thousands of years ago, but instead there was a teenager with some attitude! You did a great job with the tone of the son and father and I could definitely see this being a real conversation. The premise of a birthday present that has been passed down through generations is very intriguing and clever. The reader isn’t given a lot of information as far as what the following stories will be about, but that’s ok because now I’m hooked! My best guess now is that the father and son will be traveling back in time using the magic ring and watching old stories about Abraham from a distance??
Hey Marissa! First off, I really love the first picture that you have on your storybook title page! The colors are absolutely beautiful! I think that it would be nice to have them a little larger though since they are the main focus of the page.
ReplyDeleteThe title of the page certainly had me interested in who Abraham indeed is and what role he will play in your story (i.e. narrator, protagonist, antagonist).
The introduction was pretty interesting and I liked that you are choosing to place your story in a modern setting with the father as the narrator for your stories, I assume. I absolutely loved the line, "...heading out of his son's bedroom with dueces in the air..." It left a very amusing visual of your typical thinks hes cool kind of dad, which I am sure many of us can relate to! My dad is always doing that to my little sister who is in her sassy middle school age years! Anyways, your introduction was interesting, however, I was not able to obtain any idea of what your future stories may hold. Throwing some sneak peaks in there may be helpful! Good luck with the rest of your storybook!
What a cute introduction. I felt a little lost at the beginning, but I eventually found my way. Those two part gifts will always trip you up if you just focus on the negative. But I really loved how you captured the essence of a true teenager, and a thirteen year old at that! The way that you introduce your story with a trip to the Holy was very thought out. I do not think that I could ever come up with that clever of an idea to be to basis of my stories. The way that you took a father and son trip to tell the stories of Abraham. Your writing style was awesome! You were able to tell an entire story basically through only the use of dialogue between two people! I am stunned. This actually reminds me of car trips with my mom because she will just randomly tell me biblical stories, but it is more one sided while your story actually has a back and forth. I was flabbergasted when I read your authors note. The ring that the boy gets in the introduction represents the Ring Parable! I love how you made this a focal point in your story because parables are such an important part of the Bible and they are there to teach us how to follow God and be wise in our religion and faith. Great job! Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi, Marissa! First of all, my goodness your blog theme is adorable.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'll get to the real comment! I was so excited after reading your introduction. What is the ring for?! I must know! I was a bit confused, though. I figured from the title that the gift the boy was anticipating was the trip to Israel. I figured that was what all the generations got. But it was actually a trip to anywhere they choose? (Which would be the best gift ever, by the way.) Dakota is such an outspoken kid! I appreciate his honesty.
Time travel! I love it! I have to say that in reading your first story, I found myself wondering when the actual story would start. I'm not entirely sure the whole father-son exchange needed to last so long. It would have been nice to see the story taking up more of that space. The way it is now, I kind of feel like it's shoved into the end of it in a hurry.
Other than that, I like the design of your site. The color scheme is a bit out of place I think, but the way it's set up is simple and clean and I love it. The little photo collage on the cover page is very nice, too.
I like how you went with a super austere design (just the opposite of my website’s comparatively cluttered look, haha). It looks really nice, and the color scheme is well chosen since it appears that the story’s setting will be primarily in the desert.
ReplyDeleteBoth the introduction and the first story are very engaging because of how relatable you’ve made the relationship between Dakota and his dad. Their verbal sparring is really engaging to read and keeps the story flowing as you lead it up the moment when they finally make the jump through time. It’s an awesome idea to have a subplot in which a father and son become closer even as the dad gives his son the lesson of his life on the subject of Abrahamic lore. There’s so many things to like about this concept in general actually. It’s one thing to read Genesis and learn of the story of Abraham and his family as it is presented in the Bible, but it’s entirely another to read it as filtered through the viewpoint of a modern teen. You’ve already utilized this viewpoint so well so far, with details like Dakota’s reaction to Abraham’s age adding a lot of entertaining flavor to the narrative. I look forward to reading more of the father and son’s journey through history.
Hey Marissa! Thanks for the comment you left on my storybook project a couple of weeks ago. You caught a typo that I obviously didn't and it must've slipped past a couple other people as well. I got it fixed now, but thanks for catching that!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHi Marissa,
Thanks for all of your hard work on your storybook so far! I really enjoyed getting to go through your project. Overall, I thought your cover page was very aesthetically pleasing. I like the clean layout and the gold color theme you seem to be using throughout your project. Particularly like your picture collage on the coverpage and the way that all three pictures are of different scenes, but work cohesively together with your theme.
Your introduction did a good job of setting the stage for the rest of the storybook. At this point, I think the stories will all be set in Israel and have some sort of tie back into the father-son trip, it’s a great idea. I also love the idea of having the tradition of a gift being passed down from generation to generation.
I enjoyed the back-and-forth between the father and son at the beginning of the story. It was definitely reminiscent of conversations I have had with my dad in the past! The dialogue kept me engaged and interested in reading. I really liked getting to see the story through the perspective of a teenager – you did a great job of keeping this theme steady through the whole story and kept his personality steady. Great job!
Mackenzie
Marissa,
ReplyDeleteI was very intrigued by your introduction. I really, really wanted to know what the present was going to be! When it was a ring, I thought that was pretty cool, but clearly Dakota did not. And on top of that the kid gets a surprise trip? And he's still complaining? Those are both awesome gifts! I think you did a really great job telling your first story. It really captivated me more than I was expecting it to. I thought that the theme was kept very well throughout the intro and the first story. Dakota was complaining just as much, and the dad was still just as excited to be on this trip with his son. I was so excited when I read that they would be time traveling. Things just got a lot more interesting! I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook when it is finished. I can tell it is going to be great. It is definitely one of my favorites so far. I also really liked the pictures on your cover page. They were so colorful and I was really paying attention to them and looking at them for a long period of time. Great job!!
Marissa, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your wonderful comment you made on my storybook! You talked about how the teacher was confused and angry because she had obviously never heard the story and I was really glad because I was trying to create a setting in which these stories weren't really known yet, which was why they were so cool to the kids! Thank you again! I hope you have a lovely weekend!
ReplyDeleteHello Marissa! I have not been to your storybook before. I will be commenting on all of it. I will start off with the cover page. Everything is easy to see and read. I wish you had a little more to your background than just the plain white. Your pictures are great and the title is very informative. Now to your introduction, again everything is easy to read and the story flows nicely. I think you did a great job at introducing your story without giving to much information. Also the ending was a great way to transition into your first story. If I were you I would add a picture to your introduction. Maybe make it of the ring. Your first story is great as well. You have a great way of writing your stories. They are all easy to flow and are quite creative. I like that you are telling a story of a boy and his father but you are also telling a story about Abraham. I know we only have to have one picture per story but you might add a picture of the other characters that you are talking about to help the reader visualize the character. Your last story was also great. The centered text was a little harder to read. I like the creativity with changing the location of the text but I think the storybook might flow better if you keep each story the same. Also you have the commenting on for this page. That is a quick fix though. Great job with your storybook!
ReplyDeleteMarissa, okay first off, I LOVE your blog layout and design - so cute! Secondly, I also like the layout/design of your Abraham storybook. It has clean lines and pretty simple, but with pops of color and therefore is very easy to navigate and follow!
ReplyDeleteI like the creative name of your introduction because it really makes me want to find out who is going to Israel and why, how and when?! And I certainly was not disappointed when I read it! I love when people use dialogue in their intros because it really draws you into more of a story, rather than a babbling of information! Your story between the father and son was so fun to follow along, and it used such funny and relatable language throughout. It also left us all hanging and wanting to read more!!! Why are they going to Israel and what is this ring!?! SO good!
I also love that you tied this same dialogue and characters throughout in order to tell the story of Abraham. This is literally such good "storytelling" which is extremely creative in comparison to a lot of the storybooks I have read in our class! Not only do you bring in these characters to tell you story though, but tying in their own storyline is making me want to read every story to find out what this cunning father has up his sleeve!!!
I am honestly just so impressed and intrigued with your storybook! I think you have done phenomenal, and I will no doubt be back to read your final stories!
Marissa,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is great! I love that you made everything modern and very relatable. I could definitely see this as a show or movie of sorts because the dad and Dakota were really funny and sassy to each other. You are really good at writing and using a clear voice. I really liked your introduction. It is very different than any of the other ones that I have read so far but I really liked it! It definitely had me hooked and wanting to read more to find out what the trip to Israel was all about.
Your "Abraham and Hagar" story was really funny too. You use a lot of really good details and descriptions so it was easy to imagine what the characters were experiencing. I read your author's note and I think it is really cool how you tied everything together to keep the story the same. That is very creative!
I really like your homepage and overall layout as well. I especially loved the picture of the Western Wall - that sky is perfect. I think the orange and white color scheme is clean and simple which I like.
Overall great job!
Let me start off by saying that I really liked your intro. It grabbed my attention and was fast paced, and the ending made me more curious to know what was going to happen. The writing was good too! Sometimes dialogue can be awkward, but yours really wasn’t. Actually, it was pretty funny! The only think I would recommend is to move the second line of dialogue back next to the first. Having a line of its own kind of confused me. I thought that two different people were talking in the first two lines until I read further. As for the plot, I thought it was awesome! I was really curious as to what the father was planning, so I moved onto the next story pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteIt’s great that you’ve injected your humor into the first story like you did for the introduction. The kid is still complaining, which is pretty realistic, as most kids would complain in that situation. But I like how it all changes when they time travel. I have to say, that was pretty cool! I just imagined the sort of hyperspace jump that happens in Star Wars, except on earth and without the Millennium Falcon, ha ha. And I think it’s neat that you’ve retold Abraham’s story from an outsiders’ perspective. I like how it’s not just a dad explaining it to his child, but actually showing his child what’s happening. And it makes me interested in what will happen next!
When I started reading the second story, I was a little confused as to whether they were still in the past or in the present, since you didn’t make them go back to the present in the first story. But you cleared it up when you say that Dakota is still ‘recovering from the adventure in the past’. Aside from that, your story was pretty interesting! I cringed along with Dakota when I was reading about Isaac’s would-be death. And the way you’ve set up the dialogue lets the reader understand the backstory of Isaac’s near death organically, which is great!
Overall, great job! I really enjoyed your stories and can’t wait to read your next one!
Hey Marissa, I'm excited that I am getting the chance to visit your storybook page again this week and see how it has grown!
ReplyDeleteSince I have already seen you cover page and introduction, I will start with your first story. I thought that you did an excellent job with the dialogue by making it very entertaining and easy to follow along with. It had a nice flow to it that made me feel like I was right there in the story with your main characters. I really liked that you incorporated some story aspects that your readers could learn something from. The ring is such a cool focal point that really does a wonderful job of driving your story forward. Dakota is also a very fun addition to the story.
Great job overall and keep up the good work! Have a wonderful weekend!
Hi Marissa, So this week I have chosen to comment on your story book as my third option. One of the main reasons for this is because…. (drum roll please) the title of your story book really stood out to me. Abrahim who? Good question. So I decided to go on and read more. I will be commenting on your page as a whole.
ReplyDeleteI think that you have chosen a great and simple theme to enhance your work. I like the simplicity of your page, and the ease of navigation. I also like the images you have used. I think the pictures of the dome and the ancient church really complements the title of your story book.
Being from the Islamic faith, I am curious as to how you are going to tell these stories. Reading “pack your bags we’re going to Israel” I felt that I was embarking on this journey with your characters. I really want to know what they will uncover there. I really enjoyed reading about the history of the wall. I think you are a great writer and have made this story seem as real as possible. Leaving your readers to open up their imagination. I like the idea of the ring and it allowing them to time travel.
Great work so far, your story book will be great.
Marissa,
ReplyDeleteI read your storybook for my third option again this week and I am excited to see what else you have done with it!
Your characters are really funny! I really like how you are talking about the three different religions but in a modern way. It can be really difficult to read about the bible and religious stories sometimes, so I think putting such a modern twist on it really helps. Your writing as a really good flow to it and it is easy to hear the character's voices. It feels like your part of the story too, which I think is great.
I noticed a minor typo in the Isaac story. It says "why in the word" instead of world. Other than that though I think everything else was perfect.
This is still one of my favorite storybooks! I feel like I'm learning a lot from your stories. I will definitely come back to this to see what else you do!
Hey Marissa, first of all I have to say that I love they picture on your comment wall.
ReplyDeleteSince I have not read any of your Storybook Thus far I will be commenting on the cover page, introduction, and the first story.
I felt like the cover page was very aesthetically pleasing. The bright white contrasted with the orange is really simple and beautiful. Those colors remind me of the pictures i have seen of the church that holds The Creation of Adam painting that Michelangelo did. Everything seems to be very organized, from the navigation to the pictures, it is clean cut and simple.
The introduction is also very simple. However, it is also pretty cryptic. Aside from learning about the ring (which isn't ever described) and knowing that they are going to go to Israel, the reader has no clue really what these stories are going to be about. I think it is really effective in getting the reader to want to go on to reading the next story.
I think you did an excellent job with the first story. I was surprised to see that the ring was actually a time traveling ring. I was thinking it was going to be the key to a lock that opened up something ancient. You also do a great job including the thoughts of Dakota at the right times that continue to develop his character.
You have done a wonderful job so far! Keep it up!
Hello Marissa, thank you for visiting my storybook again as your free choice. You coming back and reading more when you didn't have to meant a lot. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Marissa! I read your storybook way back when it was just an introduction and I remember being very curious about what the stories would actually be about so I'm glad I have a chance to find out now!
ReplyDeleteLooking back at my comments after I ready your introduction, I said I was surprised that the introduction wasn’t a Bible story. Apparently I spoke too soon! This is such a fun way to retell a very traditional story and in no way did I expect the ring to be capable of time travel! I think you do a great job to keep the attitude and voice of the son consistent too.
I’m on to the story about Isaac now. I’m beginning to get curious as to if the dad is a significant character that we will eventually find out who he is, or if he is there solely for the purpose of guiding the son. Overall, this was another very good retelling and I’m beginning to appreciate the stories you have included. They serve as great reminders of old Bible stories.
I think the third story was my favorite of the three. Not only did you retell another story from the Bible but you compared it to a different religion as well. This is something that I didn’t know about the Islamic faith and it was fascinating to read! This storybook was put together so well and I’m wondering what the last story will be! Great job!